Tips for Being Positive

In this video, I discuss why you should accept who you are, ways to take care of yourself while highlighting the importance of staying physically active, how setting goals for yourself doesn’t have to be overwhelming, and the power of showing compassion.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below!

Four negatives about hosting a party

Don’t get me wrong, I love hosting get-togethers and being responsible for fun times that still come up in conversation years later. But it you’ve ever hosted a happy little shindig yourself, you can probably relate to these few occurrences that are guaranteed to happen and will most likely throw off your beaming confidence, at least a little bit.

People breaking up into groups


The first few people to show up will stick together, but once more guests flow in, everyone flocks to those they’re most familiar and comfortable with. It makes sense, but this always has me wondering how to get the group sitting at the table, the clan standing near the barbecue, and the tipsy ones laughing at the bar all together. That amazing solution, whatever it may be, would also save you from jumping from one group to the next.

The one shy person clinging to their phone Read More

Things I Hate About My Commute

On average, it takes me about an hour to get to work, and the ride home usually stretches out to be about 15 minutes longer. During my rather frustrating or overly boring drives to and from my job, I’ve noticed a few small things that never really bothered me before have now become overly annoying. These unenjoyable occurrences include:

The red lights on the ramps before entering highways—“One Vehicle Per Green,” states the sign in big bold letters below the light that can’t seem to decide if it likes being green or red. I passionately hate these stupid lights. Personally, I don’t see the point in stopping at a red light for a second and a half just a few feet before entering a highway rushing with stressed out, competitive maniacs on five different pills, soaring at least 70 MPH and angrily jerking their steering wheels to fly their dented SUVs with ugly stick figure families on the back windows into the next lane because the guy in front of them is only going 68 MPH as he looks down at his iPhone 5. Read More

The Fake-Nice Phone Voice

My voice changes when I’m talking to an animal or a small child. It becomes high pitched and gentle at the same time. But you know what? It’s real. It’s out of my control but it sounds how I want it to come across because it’s how those cute critters make me feel. Welcoming, kind, and affectionate.

Marshall Phone

That phone voice most of you have – that stuff is just phony. Seriously, what’s up with that? That’s one thing I’ll always remember about my mother. That false voice she puts on whenever the phone rings. She doesn’t have an ugly voice or anything, but when having a conversation with some stranger on the other side of the phone across the world or something, her voice becomes soft as a baby’s ass and she pronounces each letter in every word. She becomes so proper as if she’s talking to the president of the United States. Let me explain. Naturally, she doesn’t pronounce her Rs. She’ll normally speak like this: “I fuhgot to wawta the plants. Um so ty-ud. Damn it.”  Now let’s say some pushy, pervert, thief, puppy-hating salesman happens to call her to try to sell her an alarm system. She doesn’t know this guy, but she’s sweeter to him than she’s been to my father throughout her entire life, and the guy’s clearly pressuring her. “No thank you. No, not right now,” she’ll gently say. “Thank you (fake laugh). We already have an alaRm system and a big dOG to guaRd the house. No, I don’t need that, thank you though. No (fake laugh). Nope. Alrighty. You too. Alright, buh-bye.” (Hangs up, says bad things about how annoying he was.) It’s so bizarre.
Read More

Things to Do When Someone is Staring at You


Herro. (Note: This image is not mine.)

People like to stare at you for a number of reasons. They like the way you look, they don’t like the way you look, you have something on your face, etcetera. I found myself in this somewhat awkward situation not long ago, as I was standing in line at the bank to deposit a rather puny check of mine. I felt the eyes of another crawling up and down my frame, from the corner to the left of me. With a quick glance I saw her, and then focused my attention to the back of the balding head in front of me. I still felt her eyes. She was waiting for her obnoxious grandmother to dump her life savings into the coin-counting machine. I soon passed my deposit slip and check to the teller, took my receipt, and turned around. My eyes met the young woman’s, and what did I do? I smiled. Lame, I know. I should have done one of the following.

Wink. They won’t see this coming, and will be aware that you know they were staring. They’ll most likely force a quick laugh,  flush with embarrassment, and be done with it. Or maybe this can backfire and they’ll mistake your flick of an eye as a signal to initiate some small talk. It depends on who this person is. Use your judgment.

Have a staring contest. Hold your gaze. Don’t submit to them, even if your eyes are drying up. Fight the blink. You’re better than them.

Pose, pretend to be a model. They won’t expect this from their eye candy. Flaunt it.

Make the craziest face you can possibly make at that moment. Scare them off, you lunatic. They won’t know what to do, but I can guarantee that their eyes will roam elsewhere. That, or they’ll keep their eyes shut for days. This will be especially funny if you make eye contact while creating your monstrous facial expression.

Give them the thumbs-up. Aw. They were praising your body with their eyes. How nice. Let them know you appreciate their existence.

Point, gasp, and run. This will teach them that staring is indeed very rude. Make sure to glance back a few times as you’re sprinting away. After a few seconds, steady your pace and act as if nothing happened.

Flip the bird. This one is daring, but they will most likely be speechless. Or not. (Warning: this may turn violent.)

Five Things I Will Never Understand

Smoking cigarettes – Why in the world would you pay so much money to cause damage to your body? Not to mention this disgusting habit affects others around you. It’s one of the stupidest things I’ve seen someone do in my life. There is no excuse to start. It’s highly unattractive, in my opinion. Love those yellow teeth, buddy.

Valet parking – Why would I pay someone to do something I can easily do myself? Some people worry about their car as it’s being driven away, too. What’s the guy doing in there? Is he going to steal something? Did I put the GPS in the storage compartment? And then you have to WAIT for your car to come back to you when you want to leave whatever fancy joint you’re at. When your car is in sight, it’s almost an instinct to scope it over for marks or dents, and when you get inside, you check through everything. Just a bit stressful.

“Checking in” on Facebook – Yeah, I’m not home right now. Come rob my house. Also, Pete Johnson and Holly Marie are with me. Be sure to break into their homes too. Look, we even took a picture to prove it.

Majoring in Liberal Arts – I understand the idea of a Liberal Arts college or university, but to major in Liberal Arts? Which sauce would you like with that?

“Reality” Shows – The Jersey Shore. The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Keeping Up with the Kardashians. You get where I’m going. How can people become brainwashed into watching these shows? None of it is real! I don’t understand how these idiots make so much money for being idiots. I’m going to be paying off my student loans for years and can’t find full time work in or out of my field, and these pinheads can just be complete twits and become millionaires?! Seriously, what is wrong with this world?!

What are some things you can’t seem to wrap your head around?

Deleted Scene

I created a deleted scene for the movie, The Hangover.



PHIL, STU, ALAN, and DOUG walk up the street towards the hotel. PHIL is in the front of the group, dancing with his arms in the air. ALAN is a short distance behind the group, trying to button his fly with one hand. He has a chicken tucked under his other arm and a tiger walking at his side. DOUG and STU are arguing. STU is hopping up and down.


(blood is trickling down his chin)

I don’t know where my wife is, don’t you get it?


Stu, your wife is alright. She went to the bathroom with the child.


(spins in a circle with his arms out)

I told her to wait until we got back. There is no bathroom out here in the wild!


  (stops and grabs STU’s arms)

The kid smelled horrible, she was pissing on herself. They just had to make a pit stop, that’s all. They just left. They’ll catch up. They’re back there, somewhere. Let the lady do her thing. You can’t be clingy, man.


They’ve been missing for so long!

PHIL stops walking and turns around.


Stu, please, quit bitching. I’m trying to find our hotel.

ALAN spins his head around.


I feel like we’re going in circles.


No, Alan, that’s just you. (SCREAMS) Where is my wife? I love her!


You love her? You just met her.

PHIL laughs.


You just married her! Now that that’s over, keep walking before Alan finds something else to bring home. Read More