Things to Do When Someone is Staring at You

Dog_Stare

Herro. (Note: This image is not mine.)

People like to stare at you for a number of reasons. They like the way you look, they don’t like the way you look, you have something on your face, etcetera. I found myself in this somewhat awkward situation not long ago, as I was standing in line at the bank to deposit a rather puny check of mine. I felt the eyes of another crawling up and down my frame, from the corner to the left of me. With a quick glance I saw her, and then focused my attention to the back of the balding head in front of me. I still felt her eyes. She was waiting for her obnoxious grandmother to dump her life savings into the coin-counting machine. I soon passed my deposit slip and check to the teller, took my receipt, and turned around. My eyes met the young woman’s, and what did I do? I smiled. Lame, I know. I should have done one of the following.

Wink. They won’t see this coming, and will be aware that you know they were staring. They’ll most likely force a quick laugh,  flush with embarrassment, and be done with it. Or maybe this can backfire and they’ll mistake your flick of an eye as a signal to initiate some small talk. It depends on who this person is. Use your judgment.

Have a staring contest. Hold your gaze. Don’t submit to them, even if your eyes are drying up. Fight the blink. You’re better than them.

Pose, pretend to be a model. They won’t expect this from their eye candy. Flaunt it.

Make the craziest face you can possibly make at that moment. Scare them off, you lunatic. They won’t know what to do, but I can guarantee that their eyes will roam elsewhere. That, or they’ll keep their eyes shut for days. This will be especially funny if you make eye contact while creating your monstrous facial expression.

Give them the thumbs-up. Aw. They were praising your body with their eyes. How nice. Let them know you appreciate their existence.

Point, gasp, and run. This will teach them that staring is indeed very rude. Make sure to glance back a few times as you’re sprinting away. After a few seconds, steady your pace and act as if nothing happened.

Flip the bird. This one is daring, but they will most likely be speechless. Or not. (Warning: this may turn violent.)